Bonjour! Let me jump straight in there by telling you a bit about myself.
My name is Lauren, I’m 23 years old, I’m 5’6″, white British and naturally brunette.
Firstly, I would like to take this chance to welcome you to my blog. I have decided to have a go at blogging as a couple of others I know do it and say it’s enjoyable and it’s also a way for me to vent thoughts that I have, rather than displaying large rants over Facebook. This was the first website to appear, but if there are another places to create blogs I would be open to take a look on other sites too. There isn’t a particular topic that I am interested in blogging about, just things I encounter in everyday life.
So now I have given a brief introduction I would like to begin jibber-jabbering away on my first few chosen topics – beauty, weight and judging others. It really touches a nerve with me when people judge others, especially on the way they look and their weight. I have no idea who this quote is originally by but it is one of my favourites: “No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart.”
People can be so cruel in this world. People pick on others to make themselves feel better, big up their ego or maybe even due to personal problems and none of those reasons are acceptable in my opinion, only in slim cases. It angers me when you can see a person smirk if an over-weight person is about to walk into a fast food restaurant or just generally enjoying their food and minding their own business. You don’t know their story, and to lower that person’s self esteem could have damaging effects on them. It might only seem like a silly comment at the time but if they catch on to what you’re saying it can instantly ruin their day.
I’ve experienced the other end of this scale. When I was younger I was always catching sickness bugs and I have stomach migraines as diagnosed by the hospital. I had always been a naturally slim girl, both my parents are of an average weight. But for some reason, only once or twice for whatever reason, I had a few words thrown at me by other children at school about my weight. I never really had any bother with it as I am a normal and healthy weight for my age but others just like to try and bring people down. Whilst I was in college I had taken a few days off due to having tonsillitis and I admit that I did have a tendency to complain that I was either too hot or cold or feeling tired. But the tiredness was due to staying up late watching telly late and texting my friends until an unsociable hour. One of my college tutors who was of a spiteful nature in general had taken a disliking to our group of friends there and had decided to ring my parents and claim that I was anorexic without even speaking to me or anything. Unbelievable. I was disgusted with the length that some people will go just to have a dig at you to their expense of ‘having a laugh’. For anyone who knows me will know that I am always eating endless amounts of junk food and whatever I like. No one should have to think you need to be a certain size to be considered accepted in society.
The same principles apply to how I think beauty should be perceived. I shouldn’t feel like I have to have a perfect body image, wear a certain style of clothing to keep up with fashion or have to keep my hair and make up immaculate 24/7 if I leave the house. Luckily I have reached the point in my life where I have decided to break free from the mould and take charge of my own fashion, style etc just like I should. I wear whatever I like rather than whatever the latest trend is, whether people like it or not.
The saying “Beauty is skin deep” is believed by so many, and I too, have believed this in the past. But since opening my eyes and also through experience I have realised these things; 1) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 2) Having a certain look that the media perceives as being beautiful doesn’t make you beautiful in every way. 3) A lot of people have ugly hearts, personalities and traits. 4) A lot of people use and abuse their ‘beauty’ to get places in life – and others fall for it.
Yes, I admit it, I would love to look like Megan Fox, who wouldn’t? But I have learnt not to spend my life dwelling on my imperfections as after all, that’s what makes us special, quirky and unique… it would be so boring if we were all the same! I could talk about this subject forever, it’s one I feel very strongly about and would love to know your opinions too, so please leave a comment 🙂
Now for the more serious rant. I may/may not choose to let certain people that I know read this blog. And I think that this next part may help me to openly explain to them and let them know how I feel about what I am about to type. I am absolutely terrible for keeping my feelings inside about it as I always try to avoid the subject for some reason as it makes me feel uncomfortable.
I have lots of imperfections, as does everyone, but I have one that is particularly unique if you like. I was born with longer thumbs than most people, to the point where they almost look like fingers. It’s called being double jointed as I literally have an extra joint in both of them. Whilst I was younger and before surgery, they gave me no discomfort what-so-ever and I was able to do normal things like everyone else. But as I got to primary school mean names were thrown around sometimes which made me feel unsettled and singled out. I was pretty good with dealing with it to be honest, just sucked it up and threw a few nasty words back at them, which doesn’t make it right but this was primary school for Christ sake.
As I got older and started secondary school, again a few mean words were used by a few obnoxious kids but nothing I couldn’t deal with and surprisingly not as bad as what I received at primary school! One thing that did stick into my mind though was when I had a silly little crush on someone and my so-called friends at the time went to the boy and teased him by asking him why he would ever want to be seen holding hands with me with the way I am. And I truly took this to heart and it has stuck with me until the present day. It has affected me so badly that I when I did eventually have my first proper boyfriend and I got to meet his friends, I wouldn’t let anyone find out the ‘real’ me so to speak.
I would hide my hands by wearing long sleeved jumpers, hoodies and cardigans the entire time. I wouldn’t even let his family see, and this continued for a period of four years. I was scared to death that I might be rejected and not seen as beautiful because of my imperfection. I was frightened that if other people knew about me they would tease him in the same way and that I would be thrown aside. It has greatly damaged my self confidence. I’m not blaming just the one incident, I am blaming the whole build up of things and I also blame myself for not being a strong enough person to just be who I am.
To be honest I have no idea why I am talking in the past because even to this present day I still do it. Whether it be a trip into town, getting served in a shop, walking down the street or being in the company of my boyfriend’s friends, I still hide myself away. I will not leave my house without wearing a long sleeved garment and you can imagine how frustrating that becomes for me in the summer. But I still do it.
After a full year of being in a relationship with my current partner, I finally decided to let myself be me in front of him. It was only until the night before that we were going on holiday abroad to a hot country together that I somehow plucked up the courage to send a text explaining that it was going to be hard for me not wearing a long sleeved garment and covering up my imperfection on holiday. On holiday I decided to take a breath in, and go for it. It was the most difficult thing I’ve done. But my partner stood by me and said it didn’t change anything by being myself all the time. I had horrible thoughts running around my head like “what if he ends it with me because of this, it’ll hurt me even more” But I am so glad that I did it now and it has made us stronger.
I would like to gradually get more confident and be able to show my imperfection without feeling ugly and terrified of what people might say. I have told myself that one day when I do find the courage to do this, I will treat myself to a butterfly tattoo to symbolise setting myself free from my fears.
So there we have it, well done if you managed to sit through and read all of that boring rant of mine! 😛
Signing of for the day after 1657 words! Lauren Deanna xoxo.